Happy Birthday to my love!!!
I have been up 3:30 this morning. I am not sleeping well. Any night. Last night I kept dreaming I would sleep through a Skype call from my hubby. Then I'd wake up to check, but there was nothing. THEN, I'd toss and turn for a while before I could fall back to sleep. Repeat all night, until I give up trying to rest. I guess I am more anxious to talk to him than I realize. (So if you talk to me, and I seem extra-distracted, or extra-grumpy, now you know why. And I'm sorry!)
The kids woke up with runny noses this morning, and we ran out of our liquid Vitamin D yesterday. :( They were also CRAZY today - Katie and Benny, usually my two peas in a love pod, were yelling and fighting with each other all morning. I don't know if I should attribute it to missing Dad, or being sick, or being hungry (it got better after lunch), or what. I don't know if I even care. I'm just glad it stopped. I couldn't take much more of it. I am starting to think that my ability to cope is directly related to my level of rest.
Today I am feeling physically blah. I don't know if it's the bad sleep, or that I've forgotten to take my vitamins (I can't even remember whether I remembered to take them or not. How sad is that?) or that I've been eating white rice and too much (not white) bread lately, or what. I basically sat in the rocking chair in the living room most of the day, unable to do much more than sit.
There are a bunch of light bulbs burned out around here. Most of them happened before the tall man left. Why I did not get more and insist that he replace them before he left, when I know I can barely reach them on the stepstool and should not be reaching on a stepstool in my condition, I do not know. (Oh, yes I do. It's because my ability to plan ahead functions at about 25% most days. That is not a skill anyone ever taught me. And now I'm just an old dog.)
People keep saying that I am strong. I'm not so sure about that. I'm doing what I have to do for the good of my family. Am I strong just because I'm not having a mental breakdown every day? Or running home to my Mama. (I seriously considered it. Some other day I'll talk about why I decided not to.) It's not like I haven't begged at least 25 local people for help while he is gone. How strong does that sound?
My 5yo pulled off his toenail today. The whole thing. His 2nd toe had been looking infected. We put triple antibiotic on it for a few nights, and that made it look better. When Robyn got here, she told me that his toe looked exactly like what eczema has done to one of her toes in the past. I have no experience with eczema, so I hadn't even considered that as a cause. But I put his steroid cream on it, and that made it look better, too. Anyway, today when I went to check it, I noticed the nail was missing. I asked him if he pulled it off or it fell off, and he said he pulled it off. (Blech!!!) When I asked him why, he said it was hurting. I had no idea it was hurting, because every time I check it, I poke and prod it and ask him if it hurts, and he always says "No, it doesn't hurt." Boys!
This afternoon Kerry's husband and live-in BIL picked up the innerspring futon mattress they'd let us borrow for David and Robyn's visit, so David wouldn't have to sleep on an air mattress with his pelvis injury. While they were here, I asked them to pull down all our Christmas boxes from the high shelf in the garage. The kids were SOOOOOO excited! They couldn't wait to put up the tree. As in they wanted to put it up before our friends even left! The stand to our full-sized tree broke several years ago, so the only functional tree we have is a 3' one. But that's a good size for a mama who is feeling quite overwhelmed. We put the tree on a table in the corner of the living room. As fast as I could pull ornaments out of the box, they would each come back for another and run to put it on the tree. When I broke the first ball, I decided to mostly skip the breakable stuff. This turned out to be a good decision, as they mostly can't keep their curious little fingers off their favorite ornaments.
Early morning I finally got to IM and briefly Skype with my honey. :D It was so nice to see him. The anxiety that I'd been carrying, that I wasn't even aware of, is mostly gone now. The kids were so very happy to see him, too. He is very loved, and very missed. (And hopefully I will sleep better tonight than I have been.)