More thoughts on "Weaned"

More thoughts sparked by Mommy's comment on my Weaned post. (For a little background, you can read my 09/07 Why is Sammy still nursing post.)

I only intended to nurse Sammy up to 12m in the beginning, and not one day past that, but obviously changed my mind along the way. Due to my own food intolerances and all the things I had to cut out of my diet for a year and a half to even get pregnant, I was adamant not to give him (or any other baby of mine) any formula. It was as much a gut feeling as anything else, but it turned out to be the right decision for him, as he is allergic to both milk and now soy, too. (The hospital did give him some formula after birth for low blood sugar. This caused him to not want to nurse at all for the first 24+ hours, and projectile vomit the contents of his stomach about 12 hours later. That only reconfirmed my decision never to let him have formula.)

I have struggled with forcing him to wean from the time I was pg with Katie. The older he got, the more I struggled with it. It had nothing to do with the pressure and negative comments I got from both people close to me and people who should have kept their opinions to themselves. It was really all about my own unenjoyment of nursing at that point. I have a friend who says her favorite age to nurse a kid is 2-3. I can not relate to that at all. I loved nursing my babies. I never loved nursing my toddlers, except for the instant meltdown-calming effects. It did not physically bother me to nurse 1 year old Katie as much as it did 1 year old Sammy. (I think because her back teeth do not have as many enamel problems as his.) But by the time Katie turned 2, I was near ready for her to wean, too.

I did try to force Sammy to wean at some point in the last year. It must have been in the late April and May timeframe. He was only nursing at bedtime, nursing him has never been comfortable since he got molars (and he got them early!), and it just seemed like a good idea for my own sanity. (I later found out I was pregnant, and must have been having a natural aversion reaction to nursing.) It actually turned out to be a terrible idea. We had some semi-serious behavior issues pop up, related to what must have been him feeling rejected. I had to re-read Mothering Your Nursing Toddler, give him lots of extra love and attention in other ways, and just endure what little nursing he was doing for the sake of his healthy emotional development. Luckily, I didn't have to endure it for too long. Unlike the other time I nursed him while pregnant, this time he was old enough to understand that his nursing was hurting me, and big enough to realize that he didn't really need to nurse but a minute or two (or sometimes 10 seconds!) to get whatever emotional connection/comfort he was looking for. Then it was less than 3.5 months to the time he nursed for the very last time. I'm not even entirely sure when that was... (That was a loooong 3.5 months, though! Nursing while pregnant is not exactly fun.)

Sometimes I think I "stuck to my beliefs" out of sheer laziness. It was much easier to let them nurse to sleep than try to change our bedtime habits. Or let them nurse to calm down instead of trying to substitute some other, unfamiliar comfort. Other times it really was that IN THEORY I totally agreed with the child-led weaning philosophy. And even though the in practice part of it was very hard on me, I still persevered. And just waited for them to be finished. (Both with that session, and with nursing altogether.)

So, yes, it is definitely okay to feel "waivery." I felt it nearly every day for the past 1.5-2 years. I think as long as you are basing your decisions on what is logically the best choice for you and your nursling and the rest of your family - not your emotions of the moment - then that is the best you can do. For everyone involved.