tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95933711137931634.post8146907753697828309..comments2023-07-18T02:43:09.944-06:00Comments on Being Refined: Arguments against spankingMathochisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18238592153841235050noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95933711137931634.post-88031569438765881392008-04-15T11:57:00.000-06:002008-04-15T11:57:00.000-06:00Thanks for your responses. Marie, I get irritated...Thanks for your responses. Marie, I get irritated too easily, too. And I think you're right, it is all about what they need, rather than controlling how they act. I don't remember where I heard it, but I really like the phrase (and remind myself often) "a child who feels right will act right."<BR/><BR/>MTAAWTB, I really appreciate your professional perspective on the topuc. And I'm glad time-outs work for you and Ander.<BR/><BR/>Mamaebeth, my intention is to raise my kids the way you were - "We don't hit people." And thanks for sharing the camp story.Mathochisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18238592153841235050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95933711137931634.post-40150884927745234062008-04-07T09:07:00.000-06:002008-04-07T09:07:00.000-06:00I was not spanked. My mom occasionally swatted at...I was not spanked. My mom occasionally swatted at us in the car when we were acting up but that was rarely. We grew up with "we don't hit people". i know my mom was spanked and i am grateful she broke away from that.<BR/><BR/>i remember one time i was at day camp and we were lining up for something and a lady came by and swatted my on my bottom cause i was (unintentionally) standing slightly out of line; i was still in line but i think i was bored and probably swaying back and forth on my feet a little. i was so shocked that i think i even got an adrenaline rush. i remember thinking, "why didn't she just tell me to scoot over?"Mamaebethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03784534602249266789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95933711137931634.post-10557154385924272222008-04-05T18:44:00.000-06:002008-04-05T18:44:00.000-06:00Great topic. I don't use corporal punishment and ...Great topic. I don't use corporal punishment and never will. It's easier for me to be absolute about that than most people, because I represent abused children. And most of their parents aren't bad people. They truly aren't. They start off with mild corporal punishment and get annoyed one day...and then I'm representing their children, who are in foster care at this point. Obviously, there are bad people who actually beat their kids. But honestly, most people just overreact ONCE. I don't want to ever do that, so we live in a no spanking household.<BR/><BR/>I do use timeouts. We try to be calm and methodical about it, and only to use it when Ander directly disobeys and, usually, only when he is hurting someone. <BR/><BR/>I've got to say that Ander just looks relieved when he gets a timeout. It's almost like he's thinking, "wow, Mommy, thanks. I just couldn't stop." And he's a loving and happy child, so I don't worry about it at all. He needs to step away - from us and the situation. And so do I. So it works well. I'm all about timeouts, mostly because I see how positive it is for Ander. He certainly doesn't always listen to us, and isn't mindlessly obedient. He just needs the break.Giftie Etceterahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11353862141419399333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95933711137931634.post-51188273793593276452008-04-05T17:13:00.000-06:002008-04-05T17:13:00.000-06:00Stacy,I did not receive corporal punishment, and r...Stacy,<BR/><BR/>I did not receive corporal punishment, and really received almost no discipline of any sort. I was quiet, very withdrawn really, probably depressed. I did start out to spank "by the book," literally because parenting books and even social workers said it was acceptable. But the first time I purposefully spanked ds, the look on his face (like "how could you do this?") told me this was just wrong. Believe me, it wasn't from the physical pain but the violated trust. The only times I have resorted to swatting have been from frustration, but since then I've always apologized as doing something wrong. This sounds really scary (and really, it is) but I can see that if I were to use spanking to vent my anger sometimes I could not logically stop until dc were really, really hurt. So to me it is a no-brainer: hitting children is always wrong.<BR/><BR/>I also stopped time outs, punishment style, after reading Alfie Kohn's book. Once I sat down with dd when she was really upset, but it was more so she could get a grip, and not to punish her for behavior. <BR/><BR/>Sometimes I truly don't know what "currency" to use to change ds's behavior. But I think it is more important for me to really think about him and his needs rather than just resort to some stock response every time something happens that irritates me. Getting irritated is probably 85% my problem.Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04500724701139176293noreply@blogger.com